I’m watching the American Idol finale with my parents. I haven’t seen the last six seasons of this show, so I am less-than-invested in it. However, some observations about the show:

• You know the swaying hands at the front row? Pretend that they’re robotic arms in a vat of liquid being controlled by hydraulics. You can’t un-see that, now, can you? You’re welcome.
• Go find a picture of Randy Jackson’s lapels. Seriously, what the goddamn hell? They are the size of my foot.
• J. Lo looks like she’s wearing a mermaid outfit.
• That girl is a strong argument for why 16-year-olds should be kept the hell away from glitter. Girl looks like she robbed a Claire’s. She has a bird ring that is the size of a deck of cards.
• That boy has mastered vacantly looking into the distance. He is so ready for senior pictures.
• What the Christ was with the latex robot halftime show?
• This is probably the only place on TV where you have a man in a 1980’s NFL coach’s suit, a woman in a mermaid costume, a midwestern hobo, and an impeccably-groomed man in a tuxedo on screen at the same time. USA! USA!

In other news, I saw Bridesmaids this weekend. I liked it, but of course I did–I am pretty much the exact audience to which that film is targeted, what with being the neurotic feminist who secretly apparently wants a sensitive midwestern Irish cop that I am. Films about neurotic 30-something drinkers + Jon Ham + Maya Rodolph exist entirely to be watched by people like me. I will not be surprised when it shows up as a sub-genre on my Netflix.

It was, however, hysterical to see Chris O’Dowd as a truly awesome romantic comedy lead (hot sex scene! amusing banter! cake!) rather than a barely-functional IT monkey, which is how I normally see him.

Seriously, if you don’t watch The IT Crowd you really ought to.

There’s nowhere that I’m really going with this. Turns out I’m not very good at writing if I quit doing it for a week in order to not kill myself over intro chemistry. Whoops.

tl;dr: Girls from south Georgia like glitter, and I like Chris O’Dowd. And break!