It has been an anxious week.

There’s nothing bad happening. I just am overcome–as frequently happens, particularly when my mind isn’t occupied with school and three jobs–with a creeping sense of existential dread. I blame my impending move to a new apartment. It’s the first time I’ve been in non-campus housing, and the idea that I might actually have to set up my utilities is causing me to stare feebly, sadly into space.

It’s not that I can’t do it. I am aware that, objectively, calling Georgia power is Not That Hard. It’s just that sometimes things seem to be a Bit Much on the adulthood front, and then I stick my head in the sand and spend another six hours looking at dog photos. As you do.

But eventually I run out of adoptable, house-trained, under-40-pound dogs to look at on the internet. And then I revert to my secondary, far less healthy coping mechanism.

My name is Emily, and I am freaking myself out by searching on LinkedIn.

This is the worst because some part of my brain justifies it as productive. I’m about to start my last year of college. I need to start being aware of how I am going to find a job.

It turns out that I am increasingly sure that the answer to that question is “not on LinkedIn.” Because as far as that site goes, the available jobs of the world fall into three categories:

1. Marketing/PR jobs for which one must have 5-7 years experience. And a bachelors in the field. Which, if you already have 5-7 years of experience, seems like it would not really be an issue, but whatever.
2. University jobs for which you need a masters degree. You should also be willing to live in on-campus housing. Doesn’t matter what the level of the job is. With god as my witness, if I get a masters degree and am over the age of 25, I’m not living in on campus housing.*
3. Starbucks barristas. Must have prior food service experience.

Basically, I need both a masters degree and many years of work experience, preferably in food service. I weep with the thought of what’s coming next year.

Back to looking at pictures of dogs.

* Bless you, student affairs workers, for all that you do.